Sweetness
by StarfireFowl
Summary: There's a point when you realize you can't help a person.  Remus Lupin hates this point.  RemusSirius inspired by the Jimmy Eat World song.


A/N: Another birthday fic for my friend on LJ, Izzie. Inspired by Jimmy Eat World's "Sweetness."

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Remus knew something was wrong the second Sirius declined alcohol. Sirius Black drank alcohol the way corporates drank coffee- it was necessary for his job. One year into being an auror and being addicted to alcohol was the least of your problems.

Sirius had his head propped up by his hands, his elbows resting on the table. Long tendrils of black hair covered the face Remus knew so well, including the warm skin and the tired eyes. Remus joined him on the opposite side of the table, a cup of steaming tea in his hands.

"Sirius, are you o-"

"Just shut up, Moony. Let me think." Sirius grunted, Remus flinching with every harsh syllable. His eyes could barely stay open and each unkind word startled his heart to keep him awake. He was used to Sirius coming home at random hours of the night. But today he was home earlier. Sirius entered the apartment a little past ten, blood in various parts of his clothes. Remus had been attempting to sleep when Sirius showed up. He hadn't even gotten to ask him what happened yet.

Remus found himself nervously stirring his tea, taking a sip occasionally to let the warmth sooth his now frigid body. Sirius was still breathing, Moony noted, but each one came out more and more like one heartbroken sigh.

"I'm sorry, Remus. It's just," Sirius finally looked up from behind his hands, his eyes squinting up as if he was about to cry. "It's been a long night."

"No, thanks. It's really not going to help this headache. I ought to get some sleep." Sirius stood up, beginning to unbutton his blood-stained top Remus was relieved to see none of the blood was from wounds Sirius had acquired in battle.

"Aren't we going to talk?"

"Tomorrow. My head aches." He rubbed his temples quietly.

"Okay. Sorry I couldn't be of more help." Sirius stopped all movement at that, sending a very puzzled and sorrowful look towards Remus.

"There's nothing you can do. Goodnight." Sirius nodded once before leaving Remus alone with his tea.

Zzz

Remus couldn't sleep at all that night. Sirius was beside him the whole time, but Remus wasn't even sure if he got any sleep that. They hadn't even touched once since Sirius had arrived. He'd come to realize that whatever was bothering Sirius was bothering him more. If Sirius wasn't able to talk about it, then it had to be awful. And what could Remus do for a headache anyway? Yelling at Sirius to make a potion or to go see a healer wouldn't help. Sirius was right. There was nothing to do.

By four in the morning, Remus was sick of contemplating everything that was wrong with Sirius and decided that only more tea could help him get through the day with his sanity. Sirius didn't move as he left the bed. Asleep or awake, it concerned Remus that he was so still. If he really was awake, it would mean that whatever was bothering him was _really_ terrible.

So yet again, Remus found himself with a cup of tea in hand, his eyes closed in frustration. He didn't see Sirius take the seat beside him, but he could hear the soft rustle of his feet on the floor and the broken sigh uttered as he sat down. Remus let his eyes open and instantly wanted to close them again. He loved it so much when Sirius was smiling and looking like he felt completely alive but the Sirius he saw was so pale and just exhausted looking. The features were still beautiful, but there was no life to bring them out. Remus missed the life.

"I…I got a letter from Dumbledore. He had just heard that my brother had been killed. Went to the good side in the end and then Voldemort just killed him. My own brother betrayed the family too. Mother must be thrilled." Sirius let out a hollow chuckle. "I think I snapped a little. In the letter, Dumbledore also spoke about a mission for me. So I did it. I killed two Death Eaters singlehandedly."

"Sirius." Remus had no idea at all how to answer that. He felt so bad for him. He'd never had any siblings, but to lose one… he didn't want to think of it.

"Remus, don't kill anyone. It's not worth everything you feel afterwards." Sirius gave a weak smile, Remus leaning in to place a hand on his cheek.

"I know. I won't." Remus didn't know if he could keep his word on that. When you were a member of the Order, you had to fight, possibly killing a few Death Eaters. But Sirius needed him, so he'd do anything.

Their lips came together, but it wasn't sweet like their first kiss or passionate like their others. It was completely desperate, as if Sirius or Remus would fall away without it. It made him feel like there was nothing he could do, yet again.

"Sirius?" Remus stopped, his nose still touching Sirius's. "How's your headache?"

"A little better," he paused, noticing the frown on Remus's face. "I'll be fine."

"Maybe more sleep would help?" Remus suggested. Sirius shook his head.

"No more sleep. That's not why I've got a headache. Stop worrying, Remus, it'll go away." Sirius gave him a weak smile. Remus sighed, taking Sirius by the hand.

"Come on." Remus grinned. "If you can't go to sleep, why bother trying?" Sirius smirked, kissing Remus's cheek lightly.

"I knew I liked your thinking." Their kisses continued all the way to the bedroom, each one as desperate as their one in the kitchen.

When it was over, Remus was glad to see Sirius sleeping soundly, peace calming the once-exhausted face. Remus felt sleep tugging at his own eyes. With one last kiss to Sirius's jaw line, he fell asleep, slipping into sweet uncertainty.

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A/N: Constructive criticism greatly appreciated, as are any reviews. Flames are not. 


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